Okay, But Where Is My Prince Charming?

I've been dreaming of a true love kiss, 

and a Prince I'm hoping comes with this: 

a f*cking explanation and an apology

of roses and chocolates addressed to me!

A handful of us 2000s kids grew up watching the Disney Princesses on TV. I remember many summer days spent watching Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and Cinderella back to back. There was something about those stories that captivated me. For a six-year-old, the magic was all I could think about, but as I've grown older, so too has my appreciation for the two protagonists' resilience in both of these films.

Both Snow White and Cinderella displayed true kindness and optimism despite the hardships they endured- child abuse and forced labour to name a couple. They each certainly deserve their own posts. But today I'm not here to talk about them. No, I want to focus my attention on their love interests.

In 'Fairytale Land' his character is ubiquitous. Almost every princess has a prince with enough charm to melt even the hardest of hearts. And this doesn't only apply to the Disney princess catalogue. (Remember that Barbie is notorious for ending up with some version of Prince Charming in almost every one of her movies.) But what about the real world?

How come my Prince Charming is nowhere to be found?

I think I'm not alone in wanting to be swept off my feet and pursued by a dashing man who makes me swoon. It's every girl and gay's dream. And yet, for some reason, he seems to be taking his sweet time because I have yet to encounter him.

A pity.

Well while we wait, I'd like to get to know him better. You know, like how you scour a potential partner's socials before actually going on a date with them? Let's figure out just who this so-called Prince Charming is.

Who Is Prince Charming?

Here he is:

Here's another version:

Here's another one:

And another:

What about him?

Do you see it? He's almost always cisgender, heterosexual, white, tall and of slim physique. He is usually in line for the throne, which means he's loaded. To top it all off, he's always going to be popular with the ladies (and the gays of course).

He's seldom black or brown (of course there are exceptions).

Never gay, bi, pan, trans, ace, etc (again there are exceptions).

Never not 'handsome' (did I stutter?).

Prince Charming, as omnipresent in mainstream fiction as he may be, seems to be a rare specimen among men. The old saying goes “Art imitates life”, well I have never come across any man who even remotely resembles this archetype. And I haven’t even discussed his character yet.

Generally speaking, each iteration of the character is charming in personality as well as looks. In Disney’s 2015 live-action Cinderella, Prince Kit, played by Richard Madden, is so endearing I immediately wanted to marry him. The way he looks at Cinderella like she’s the only woman in the world… it’s enough to make any gay cry. Why can’t it be me?!

And let’s not forget about Prince Charming from ABC’s Once Upon A Time, whose unending loyalty is somewhat of a flaw. Fans of the show know that there isn’t a single thing this man wouldn’t do for Snow White. Their relationship is the definition of ‘ride or die’. You just have to watch it for yourself to truly understand. Though their love can be annoying from time to time, they always seek each other out til the end.

Even Prince Charming from the Shrek franchise has attractive personality traits, despite being vain and narcissistic. For one, he’s hilarious, even when he doesn’t intend to be. He might be a mamma’s boy, but he’s cunning and determined too. I’ll never forget how he staged an uprising in Shrek 3 and usurped the throne. It takes brains, if not pure delusion to pull off a task like that.

And you see, that’s the other side of this Prince Charming archetype that for decades has enthralled audiences—the mystery. As I’m sure you’ve noticed by now, Prince Charming is rarely the main character of his own story which means there are a lot of things about his characterization and background that are open to audience interpretation and subversion.

Subverting The Myth

While Shrek’s Charming is arguably the most popular subversion of the Prince Charming archetype, there are many more including a few who are the main character of their own stories. I want to talk about a few of my personal faves:

Prince Zuko

When you think of ‘Prince Charming’ Prince Zuko from Nickleodeon’s Avatar: The Last Airbender is the last person that comes to mind. From the get-go, Zuko is an angry teenager who is jaded by his mummy and daddy issues. Put simply he’s a victim of child abuse and abandonment which severely messed with his psyche.

But the journey he goes on during the events of this show makes you empathise and fall in love with his character. Underneath his grouchy exterior, Zuko is a socially awkward guy who feels things deeply. Sure he has a short-fuse temper and doesn’t know how to communicate his emotions properly. He’s also made countless mistakes in his past, but who hasn’t?

Unlike his royal counterparts in Cinderella and Shrek, Zuko feels like a real person. He’s not just a supporting character. He’s not just a love interest. He’s not just a villain. He’s a complex character whose journey defines what I believe to be a cornerstone of the ATLA thesis: 

Honour doesn’t come about by fulfilling some pre-determined fate, it comes from doing right by others especially those you hold dear.

Sturmhond (aka Prince Nikolai)

Everything is not as it seems when we first meet Prince Nikolai in Shadow and Bone’s second season. At first glance, he’s a pirate– sorry, privateer– who goes by the name of Sturmhond. He’s a knowledgeable adventurer who’s been all over the world. He’s also a skilled engineer and inventor having designed the flying ship we see him command in the show.

When he’s posing as Sturmhond, it’s like there’s nothing he can’t do. And then you pull back the curtain to reveal his true identity. Prince Nikolai, while not as imposing as his Sturhmhond persona, is a tender soul who loves his country and his people, which is more than we can say of his snooty relatives.

Seeing him fight alongside his fellow army men and women during the last battle despite being injured was inspiring to say the least. But it’s his relationship with Alina that sets him apart from your typical ‘Prince Charming’ archetype. Nikolai struggles with being his true self because of the weight of the crown and royal duties hence why he created the Sturmhond persona in the first place, as a way to experience true freedom without any of the limitations of his position.

When he first meets the series’ protagonist, Alina, they don’t get along. But after witnessing her grit and determination to tear down the fold that is plaguing their country, Nikolai begins to fall for her. He then discovers that when he’s with her he can be his true, charming self without all the bravado that Sturmhond is known for.

I love it when men choose to be vulnerable. We should all do it more often.

Prince Rupert and Prince Amir

Prince Rupert and Prince Amir are the leads of the Gimlet original story podcast, The Two Princes. They are gay and I am LIVING for it!

Words cannot explain how I felt when I first discovered this podcast two years ago. By now you are all aware that I’m kind of obsessed with Prince Charming, but until I started listening to this podcast, I had never seen or heard of a gay Prince Charming. Enter The Two Princes…

While Amir fits the ‘Charming’ archetype to a tee (he’s dashing, brave and a warrior), Rupert on the other hand is something of an underdog. He’s nerdy, timid and unathletic. Their romance initially starts as a figurative cage match with a prophecy, family feuds, an enchanted rainforest and a curse keeping them apart.

Despite all these obstacles, it’s their love for each other that ultimately saves the day and puts an end to the feuding between their kingdoms. And unlike traditional, heteronormative (and low-key sexist) expressions of the archetype where Prince Charming saves the princess, neither of them is ‘swept off’ by the other. They save each other multiple times.

Now that is my kind of romance.

My Prince Charming

I’ve decided to forgive Prince Charming. Turns out the reason that I haven’t found him yet is because he’s just an archetype and nothing more. Shocker, I know.

But don’t you find it fascinating how these archetypes stick to our brains and influence what we look for in potential partners? Perhaps the reason I haven’t come across my Prince Charming yet is because he’s off seeing the world like Sturmhond. Or maybe he’s in the middle of chasing down his honour somewhere.

Whatever the case, it gives me the time to reflect on what this archetype means to me. As far as I can remember I’ve always wanted to be Cinderella. Even before I knew I was gay, I used to play dress-up as Cinderella and re-enact the entire movie. I so badly wanted my fairytale ending.

Now as an adult, I look back at those memories fondly because I know the reality of me having that fairytale ending isn’t unlikely perse, but will be full of challenges.

I know that as a gay black man, finding love in a repressive culture is the opposite of magical. Most of the time it’s not even safe. It’s one giant risk. But I have hope that when I finally find my Prince Charming, we’ll have the courage to fight for our love like Prince Amir and Prince Rupert.